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I’ve been hearing that for about a year now from people at church, sorority, friends, family and associates. “You’re here for a reason” has been spoken over me close to 20 times a month. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating but it’s alot!

It comes right after I say “Ok, why is this happening?” or “why am I here?” or “why me?”. Simple questions right? I thought so.

I link the response to me being where I am to my spiritual relationship. I know GOD makes ZERO mistakes and I know HE also has a plan over my life. I know that HE allows us to make our own decisions and we’re held accountable for them. We are given options and HE knows which options we choose. Why he lets us choose the wrong “door” is one question I hope to ask one day, but for now, I’ll continue to sit here in the peanut gallery, scratching my head and wondering why is why and why ask why and why not why…blah blah blah.

I’m not sure what your “whys” are but here are just a few of mine (don’t laugh):

  • Why can’t I finish what I started?
  • Why can’t I save money?
  • Why doesn’t anyone support my business?
  • Why am I not married yet?
  • Why am I stuck in this job and not where I need to be in my career?
  • What do I really want to do with my life? (i.e. run a non profit, run my marketing business, entertainment reporting on TV, start media chicks network officially, etc.)
  • Why am I in this relationship?
  • Why do I feel so alone?
  • Why is my business not making any money?
  • Why do I keep making the same mistakes?
  • Why am I not so confident in myself?
  • Why don’t I worship enough? Pray enough? Study enough?
  • Why am I so afraid?

Here is what’s been revealed to me:

We are where we are because we haven’t grown into that particular outfit created for that particular moment in our lives. I told someone yesterday that, like in college or high school, in order for us to graduate, we have to study hard (bible), pass our tests, and take all that we’ve learned and learn from them through our experiences. Does that make sense?  *shrugs* I don’t study the bible, but I do TRY HARD to read a few daily scriptures. I make sure I talk to GOD daily (in the car, walking the dog, in the shower or even on the toilet–He knows my heart) Unfortunatley, for me it’s not enough. I work with the social media ministry where I take pictures and post them online to keep the home body members up to date on the Sunday sermon and to make sure our church’s social media sites are current (and poppin)! So when I’m doing that, I’m not connecting with what’s really going on.

As far as my career, I want to continue on in the media but not in radio. I have decided to stop chasing an industry that doesn’t chase me. I want to continue my focus on reaching out to other women in the media (which explains this blog). I want to become a public speaker in hopes of one day presenting a Ted Talks, and I want to run a successful marketing business. Become a mentor. The generic ‘wants” are also on the list: getting married (to my SOUL MATE), travel around the world, become a feature anchor on The Today Show (I know, right?) and I want to have at least $10,000 saved in a savings account (that is one of the most challenging tasks for me).

I want to be successful in my business so that I don’t have to work a regular job. I want to grow in staff and clientele and create a positive reputation in the community that will give me confidence and allow me to take care of my needs as well as my family. Grinding is one step (I’m a pro at that) but when does the breakthrough come? I’ve read stories about 13 year old girls who became multi-million dollar CEO’s because she took her wagon filled chocolate chip cookies to the right hotel lobby and sold it to the right tycoon and BOOM, she was rich! My goal isn’t to be rich…just successful!

Some people close to me told me to reach out to a life coach (done) but does that help? Will they really know what I need? Will they be around me 24/7 like the paparazzi on the Kardashians? And do I want that?

My elder said to me in church service that “God is watching me closely.” What does that mean? I wanted to ask her but I didn’t (referring back to the “why am i so afraid” question).

Sometimes God Speaks By Saying Nothing

I have a dog who keeps me busy and loves me unconditionally. Will this be my relationship that fulfills my life with joy instead of a beautiful man with the body of a Greek God? Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend but for some reason, I feel empty. He loves me (tells me serveral times a day) and he wants to be with me all the time BUT I want more. I have lived alone. I have lived with boyfriends. I can do both; it doesn’t matter to me honestly. Sometimes, I wish I was back to living alone (with my dog) so I can do what I want and not worry about anything. That didn’t work out so well in the past. (refers to the quesion “why can’t I save money?”)

I’m blabbing but I’m dead serious. What am I doing here? I get up at 4AM to walk Beau, schedule music segments for my online radio station (Urban Media Today Radio), I work on content for my clients (Nice 2 Media Marketing), show prep for my radio show (my actual job) and after my shift, I go home to start the next day. THIS IS EVERY DAY!

I used to work out. Lost 20lbs. But life happened…so GOD gave them back (ok, it wasn’t GOD).

Steve Harvey says we should Jump toward the things we love. I get it but when I hear it coming from a successful RICH black man who hosts like 10 television shows, vacations DAILY on some resort while smoking a Cuban cigar hand rolled by some village kid, I find myself not believing in it so much. I trust what he’s saying is true; it worked for him! Unfortunately, stuff in my life is so crazy, I don’t know if the ground I’m landing on will be there when I do jump!

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So to get myself out of this rut (I think that’s how it’s spelled), I have reached out to a few church friends (15-20 years younger than me) asking them to kinda be a guide for me; inviting me to outings and keep me focused on my spiritual goals (they agreed). I reached out to a life coach whom I know from years back and she said she is willing to help me (not for free though). I also talked to a fellow media chick who owns a public speaking coaching business (another investment). The good news is, I made a smart decision to work on getting the answers to the burning question “why am I here”. I have no idea if it will help (yet) but hopefully, I’ll find out before I’m 50 (that gives me 6 years).

I’m on this Diane Lane, Under The Tuscan Sun, Julia Roberts, Eat, Pray Love type ride right now. Both movies (my favorite, by the way) ended on a good note. Maybe mine wil too!

Thanks for letting me get this out! I pray all the best for you and that you find out why you’re here. Share what you’ve done to answer that question. It can be helpful to others, I’m sure.

 

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